Ignore the fact that the person is sitting. But this was a quick random sketch that I had that was on my mind.
And I apologize for this art blog being dead. For almost a year now, I have been delving into drawing NSFW related content. And I must say, I've never had so much fun.
But in the process of experiencing this great feeling, I was never really prepared for emotions that would go against me as a result of this experience.
And no, I do not feel guilty about the stuff I'm drawing now. Rather, I question why it is that I am doing it. You see, for the past [almost]year, I have been doing NSFW drawings for my Tumblr page. And I couldn't be happier of what I have reached so far. I recently acquired 1000 followers. After spending several months of constantly drawing/practicing, I have a small audience that enjoys what I've made. Hell, the artist that has inspired me with his artwork to make me want catch the spark to draw, has been following me since the very first post. Upon seeing that, it made me rejoice to no end. Since then, I've dedicated a massive portion of my time to practice drawing. In addition, some more of the artists I followed, started following me as well! And I can easily say that I've improved over the course of 11 months. But I never would think that I have made progress. Even reaching 1000 followers, I still don't believe that I have "achieved" anything. And it hurts when it's emotions that you must face alone, especially when you don't want others to think you're some person who is "overly-dramatic" or suffer from depression. My primary favorite artist wouldn't reblog a piece of fan art I've made for him. Now I'm not trying to get publicity, I'm trying to use that as a test of my skill. And to all of attempts I've made; failed-- to me. He wouldn't reblog it, but he'll "Like" it, and maybe even give thanks for the fan art. But doesn't that sound like the best thing you can get from the "role models"? Not to me... I was aiming for the reblog. A reblog, for those that don't know, is most likely the highest, yet simplest, form of compliment for artists. It's stronger than a "Like". The best description to that is this: "I don't just like your art, but I want to share it".
But alas, it couldn't happen for me. My favorite artist would prioritize the better artist that he follows. Which only makes sense. But it can be quite misleading when your favorite artist follows you, but it doesn't quite show just by simply "being there" on your follower list. The artist would even draw fan art for them and compliment and promote his followers to follow those artists. Things start to feel worse when the artist reblogs more and more of other artists' work he likes. It only makes my fan art seem like puny ant compared to a mythical beast. And I understand, that not everyone will like what you do or make. But when you tackle different types of pieces to make, and none of them don't seem to appeal, then what can you say to that? How can one feel hope in his progress if there's a great feeling of a credibility gap? And sure there are people that do tell me that they really enjoy my content, but I can't truly take a non-artist's word for it.
This wouldn't deter me from ever drawing again, but it's just a terrible feeling to go through. Drawing has been the very first things that made me throw a fit. I've been enraged by many things in my life so far, but the most passive thing has made me a mad man.